What do you identify as? No, not that.
I’m referring to the link between our identities and our actions.
In my personal and professional experience, I’ve noticed that one of the leading causes of an unsatisfying life is: a disconnect between what we do and who we want to be.
In the past, I’ve said that I value my health and fitness. Meanwhile, at the time, I was eating whatever I wanted and was barely exercising. Consciously or unconsciously, I felt like a piece of shit.
It can sound grandiose, but take a look at your values and brainstorm exactly who you want to be when it comes to each one. Pair them with your consistent actions and pinpoint any discrepancies. Here are mine:
• I’d like to treat my close friends like they are my brothers and sisters–supporting each other in our pursuits, giving feedback when necessary, always laughing…
• I want to help make my mom’s life easier and more enjoyable. She has given me everything good in my life and giving her back even a fraction of it would make it all worth it.
• When it comes to learning, trying new things, and pursuing interesting projects, I’d like to always emulate a Growth mindset. Meaning, with everything I do, I know that if I simply put in enough time and effort, I can become good at anything–especially things which terrify me.
• I never want to chase money. Instead, I always want to chase helping others solve problems. Seeking value over seeking rewards from doing so.
• Having said that, I never want to feel the pit in my chest which comes from wondering how I will pay my bills. I’ve been there before. It’s a dark, cold place.
• I want 80 to 90 percent of what I consume to be nutritious and productive for my body. The other 10 to 20 percent–so long as I am aware and intentional about it–can be left for junk and poison. I like to have fun too.
• I always want to be moving. I’d like to become a black belt in Brazilian jiujitsu and I want the gym to be a consistent part of my life: 3-5 times each week.
• I never, ever want to be uncomfortable with my shirt off.
• Whether it’s a client or anyone else who wants help, I want to dedicate myself to helping them live the healthiest, most productive, most fulfilling life they possibly can.
• I want to bring so much value to a person’s life, they don’t think twice about paying for sessions.
That’s who I want to be.
Who do you want to be?
Doing the right thing is easy. After all, when your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pursuing behavior change. You are simply acting like the type of person you already believe yourself to be.James Clear