How I stopped being so insecure

An insecure woman on a beach

I struggled with crippling insecurity for years.

It was impossible for me to attend social settings, scroll social media, or have deep conversation…without obsessing over what other people thought about me.

Most of us want to be seen as impressive or interesting in some way. There’s nothing wrong with that.

What’s unfortunate, though, is allowing these desires to affect our thoughts and actions.

I used to say things I didn’t mean, appease people I didn’t care about, advertise myself on social media to appear cool/woke/adventurous…

None of this ever brought me any closer to happiness or fulfillment. It just felt like I was putting on a show.

So what changed?

It didn’t happen over night, but there was a slow, noticeable shift once I started pursuing my values wholeheartedly.

I asked myself:

What do I find most important in life?
What do I want out of life and out of myself?
What value do I want to provide others?
What problems do I want to solve?
What skills do I need to master to make all this happen?

None of these questions ask how you can fit in with other people’s values.

Anything I do that’s impressive or interesting—not that I think I’m an impressive or interesting individual—is the pure result of doing things I think are cool and fun to do.

Growing a business. Writing. Coaching. Making sketches…

I do these things because I want to, not because I think getting really good at them will impress others.

I don’t care about the person with 20,000 followers on Instagram. I care about the person with 14 followers who posts videos of them playing the trumpet and slaying it.

Don’t do what other people think is cool.

Do what you think is cool.

Become so good at what interests you, you force others to be interested in it too.