Friend red flags

Three friends standing atop a mountain cliff

One of my besties came over yesterday and we discussed building new friendships.

As we get older and as our relationships evolve or fade, we learn a ton about the kind of people we want in our lives. The people we surround ourselves with are a reflection of our own values and desires.

She’ll be moving to DC this fall. So I asked her what her red flags would be while building a community there.

When she asked me what I wouldn’t accept in a friendship, a few things came to mind:

1) Negativity.

We’re all human. We’re all allowed to feel unpleasant emotions. But it’s hard for me to tolerate someone consistently complaining about things out of their control—especially if they’re taking zero action to make it better.

Any sort of victim mentality is a no for me dog. I like surrounding myself with people who take ownership of the life they’re creating.

2) Meanness.

Similar to #1, I guess.

I can’t stand passive aggression or bullying. Not so much when it’s directed at me, but when someone is mean to other people.

It sounds almost childish, but it makes my blood boil. When someone’s condescending, belittling, or downright nasty…

3) Dry conversations.

This is now starting to sound like I’m building a job application for the role of “Dillan’s friend.” I’m just trying to point out the traits that would make it difficult for me to build a deep connection with someone.

Whether it’s a friend, colleague, or romantic partner…if we can’t sit sober for three hours and have fruitful conversation, it just won’t work for me.

Sharing experiences, insights, and ideas. Telling stories. Asking curious questions. If this stuff isn’t present, what the hell are we talking about?

Anyway, I’ll be accepting applications online.

What are your red flags when it comes to making new friends?