Here are my biggest takeaways from the feedback exercise I did with one of my best friends this weekend.
1) I struggle with portion control.
My buddy said something that hit me hard.
“I like hanging out with sober Dill way more than drunk Dill.”
He brought up the fact that I used to drive home drunker than was comfortable. That part was easy to swallow because I remember the day I vowed to never do that again—December 28, 2019.
But as for being drunk Dill, he called me out on something I’ve battled with since I was 18: the number of drinks I have when I drink.
On average, I only drink about twice a month. But when I do, I drink like I’m 20 years old. I haven’t reprogrammed my brain. When I have a beer, I want a second. When I have a second beer, I want a third. And so on.
TAKEAWAY: I will buy smaller quantities of alcohol when drinking with others. Six-packs, single bottles of wine, etc. If it’s not in the pantry then I can’t drink it.
2) I can be more welcoming to opposing opinions.
I love and appreciate the fact that we’re all so different, but sometimes when someone sees certain things differently than I do, I get confused.
Adam Grant introduced me to a useful term: logic bully.
For years, I thought breaking things down rationally was the only way to solve problems and get at truths. Unfortunately for me, that’s not how everyone operates.
My buddy pointed out that I could be more light-hearted in my disagreements. Even if I’m confident in my opinion, it could be more harmonious if I didn’t treat it as an objective fact.
Depending on the topic, this one will definitely take a lot of work.
TAKEAWAY: When I disagree with someone, I will slow down. I’ll try to steelman their points, separate the person from the idea, and ask questions as if I’m agreeing with them for the sake of the argument.
3) People love positive reinforcement.
It’s healthy to be able to do what my friend and I did—articulating areas of improvement and airing grievances. But he pointed out that hearing praise and appreciation from me just feels incredible.
The challenge is (especially for men I think) this can often sound cheesy.
Telling people what we love and respect about them and highlighting what they do really well…it takes practice.
I tell my friends I love them on the phone. I hug them. Sometimes it doesn’t feel natural. Sometimes they have no clue what to say. That’s okay.
I’d rather feel a bit corny than have my friends question how I really feel about them.
TAKEAWAY: Continue to consistently tell the people in my life what they mean to me and what I think they do well.
I encourage you to do your own feedback exercise with your friends!