Last night. Did it. Feel like death.
Went to see two friends I haven’t seen in a while. Talked and laughed for hours.
Wanted to leave and go to bed, but too good to see them.
Can’t live this way. Can’t do this all the time. But once in a while is worth it.
Today might suffer a bit, but there’s another memory in the jar.
The tides ebb and flow. This past week, there were a few days where I felt stagnant in my business and personal life. I felt unmotivated and sluggish. I was on a low.
Yesterday, I recorded an amazing podcast that I can’t wait to publish, I posted an episode with my Brazilian JiuJitsu coach which I absolutely love, I made serious progress on my new website (releasing soon), and one of my best friends called me and we talked for 2 hours.
Recognize that life is lived in highs and lows. Appreciate and learn from both. Don’t attach yourself to either. Whatever state you’re in right now will not last.
“Nothing very very good or very very bad ever lasts for very very long.”
-Unknown
The plan today was for me to workout with my buddy at his place. We usually start “ripping” (his term) at 8:30 in the morning. Today, however, his work obligations meant we had to start at 7am.
Shit, I thought. That’s usually when I wake up.
Excited for the challenge, I agreed. I went to bed early, woke up at 5:30, and wanted to die.
After sleepwalking through my morning routine and drinking a cup of coffee, I turned my phone on to see that he had to cancel. I sat there, eyes half closed, and wanted to throw my phone out the window.
I had wasted exhaustion for no payoff. I had a full day ahead of me. I couldn’t go back to sleep after chugging a cup of Joseph.
In the midst of my frustration, I sat back for a second and asked myself a few questions to accurately assess the situation.
Is there anything I can do about already being up and caffeinated? No.
Did my buddy give a shit about having to cancel? Yes. Super apologetic.
Did he tell me why he canceled? Yes. A client messed up and he had to fix the problem.
Do I know what kind of stress he’s going through? No.
Workout or no, would I be exhausted today anyway? Yes.
Will I make it through this? Yes.
I will make it through this, I’ll get my work done, and I’ll happily go to bed earlier tonight.
Much of my peace in life can be attributed to making decisions based on this list. By no means am I perfect (I still live with my mom for God’s sake), but I’ve spent the last few years focusing on how I can mold the life I want to live. The best place to start that is by defining exactly what you don’t want.
I don’t want:
• To look forward to the weekend
• To be on someone else’s schedule everyday
• To spend money on things just to make my life look more interesting
• To be tied down to a certain place (living or work)
• Friends who aren’t pursuing something
• To look back one day and ask why I didn’t go for the things I wanted
• A body that looks and feels weak and slow
• To save money for 40 years, have fun when I can, retire, and then enjoy my life
When discussing regrets, I’ve never heard anyone say that they regret taking a certain action.
People regret the areas in which they didn’t take action; we regret the things we didn’t do…even if it’s disguised as something else.
For example, I can say I regret going to college; but what I really regret is not spending that time and those tens of thousands of dollars on other things (e.g. travel, investing in myself, making mistakes which won’t put me in decades of debt, building skills, etc).
When you think about the regret you’ll feel by doing something, ask yourself: how will I feel if I don’t do this?
Last night, I had an in-depth conversation with my good friend about him and his high school sweetheart. We talked about threesomes.
It was not at all where I thought the discussion would go, but it was honest and thought-provoking nonetheless. He stated that it was something they’ve never told anyone else, and I certainly had never gone down that rabbit hole with any couple who had done it.
Point is: everyone has layers to them you don’t even know exist. This layer was uncovered not because I pried and prodded; I merely asked curious questions.
It is such a cliche, but you have no idea how powerful a compliment can be to someone.
Reaching out and saying that you noticed their efforts, or simply noting that you enjoyed something of theirs…
This could be the difference between them slowly fading or building momentum and becoming limitless.
As a lover of films, this peaked my interest…but I’m not a big Instagram guy; so rather than posting each day, I’ll just take care of all 30 now.
1) The first film you remember watching.
Star Wars Ep. IV
2) A film you like that starts with the first letter of your name.
Dallas Buyers Club
3) A film that has more than five words.
Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot
4) A film with a number in the title.
9
5) A film where a character has a job you want.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (an actor with Brad Pitt as my stunt double)
6) Your favorite animated film.
How to Train Your Dragon
7) A film that you will never get tired of.
The Shawshank Redemption
8) A film where you liked the soundtrack more.
Oblivion
9) A film you hate that everyone else liked.
Avengers: Endgame (time travel is cheating)
10) Your favorite superhero film.
The Dark Knight (or Avengers: Infinity War)
11) A film you like from your least favorite genre.
Failure to Launch
12) A film you hate from your favorite genre.
The Nice Guys
13) A film that puts you in deep thoughts.
District 9
14) A film that gave you depression.
The Big Short
15) A film that makes you feel happy.
Captain Fantastic
16) A film that is personal to you.
The Guardian (the first movie I remember loving as a kid, w/ Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner)
17) Favorite film sequel.
22 Jump Street
18) A film that stars your favorite actor/actress.
There Will Be Blood
19) A film made by your favorite director.
The Wolf of Wall Street
20) A film that changed your life.
Moulin Rouge!
21) A film that you dozed off in.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
22) A film that made you angry.
The Last Airbender
23) A film made by a director that is dead.
2001: A Space Odyssey
24) A film you wish you saw in theaters.
Good Will Hunting
25) A film you like that is not set in the current era.
Amadeus
26) A film you like that is adapted from somewhere.
The Shining
27) A film that is visually striking to you.
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
28) A film that made you feel uncomfortable.
Uncut Gems
29) A film that makes you want to fall in love.
Silver Linings Playbook
30) A film with your favorite ending.
The Book of Eli
Fin.
I certainly can’t provide an accurate formula for how one rids toxic people from their life. I’ve written about it in the past, but cutting someone out of your life is an incredibly uncomfortable and confusing process.
What I can touch on with more clarity is: the importance of surrounding yourself with friends you admire and people who contribute to your growth as a human being.
I firmly believe that in some way, shape, or form, you should be inspired by your friends. That’s not to say that every single one of them has to have the exact same values as you do; but if they’re not encouraging you to give fire to your own values, this should give you pause.
It can sound incredibly cheesy (especially for a guy [but I think those standards are eroding]), but I want a friend in my tribe:
• to laugh and make me laugh
• who is interested in the world
• who cares about their own improvement
• to give me feedback and hold my feet to the fire
• to help me and ask for my help
• with whom we can share our fears, struggles, and appreciation without judgment
This list makes me sound like a needy bitch, but I’ve been lucky to accumulate a tribe over the years which meets these standards. I live a healthy and fulfilling life and I have my tribe to thank for that.
You will be tricked into thinking it’s a good idea if you:
• Go to the grocery store when you’re hungry
• Make life decisions when you’re angry or depressed
• Don’t take action when you’re unconfident
• Turn on Netflix when you don’t even know what you want to watch
• Grab your phone for no apparent reason
• Text them when you’re horny
Just don’t do it.
What matters most…?:
How many books you have read or what you have gained and retained from them?
How many people you have been with or what those relationships meant to you?
What other people think of you or what you think of yourself?
In a stupidly simplified model, this seems to be the series of stages we go through with our parents:
1) Our parents know better than we do. They teach us to speak. They feed and clothe us. They are Gods in our eyes—all-knowing, all-powerful.
2) We know better than our parents. During the most angsty, hormonal, insecure, confusing period of our lives…we feel our parents clearly do not understand us and they have no idea what is best. Right, because they have never been through what we went through at 16.
3) Finally, as we mature, we realize that we and our parents know different things. We have different capabilities and specialties. Hopefully, we can learn constantly from one another. In our eyes, they have gone from Gods, to idiots, and now to peers or teammates.
Wordsmith prompt #6: Write about a time you walked away from a person.
We often hear the advice, “You are who you spend your time with,” or something like, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Instagram posts or spouts of wisdom like this often advocate that we eliminate or cut out toxic people from our lives; but unless you have actually had to do this, you have no idea how complicated and emotionally scarring this process can truly be.
What it asks of you is astounding:
1) Confirm that your relationship with this person is doing more harm than good.
2) Cut off ties with this person so their toxicity stops weighing you down.
Hmm. Two steps seems doable, but there’s no guideline or proper training on how to do this as gracefully and effectively as possible. Hearts are bound to be broken.
I had a friend (we will call her Paulina) with whom I hit it off immediately. We had ridiculous fun in the beginning of our relationship. After a while, I noticed that things went awry whenever I would bring up optimism, self-development, the beauty of life, or otherwise pursue any sort of deep intellectual discussion (i.e. the things which are most important to who I am as a person). What I was hoping would be playful and mindful conversation turned into heated disagreements. I was progressively understanding that we had severely conflicting values.
Eventually, things got to the point where I was not enjoying occasions which involved drinking or group settings with Paulina. Slowly, I began to feel mentally and emotionally drained; as if I had to censor or alter myself to make sure she would not erupt or shut down.
Dumbing down who you truly are is exhausting.
One day, I put the pieces together and reluctantly came to the conclusion that constant connection with Paulina was making my life harder; not boosting me up to be better. What the hell do I do, just stop talking to her? Do I sit her down and level with her?
I simply halted all attempts to go out of my way to spend time with her. If it happened organically, then so be it; but I would not willingly play into my own unhappiness. It became clearer and clearer to her that I was no longer interested in reaching out or spending quality time. I did not feel graceful or good about it at all, and still doubt whether I did it the “right” way or not. It felt like a zero-sum game: for one to win, the other must lose.
One thing was certain though: my mental health improved tremendously. At the end of the day, that’s the point of something like this.
Paulina knows that I will always love and respect her, and if she ever needs anything that I am here for her to reach out. However, being best friends with someone with violently opposing values is a recipe for an unstable and exhausting time.
Check out BestSelf’s array of productivity tools to get you taking action, writing clearly, and trying new things!
On this day, I feel like posting a blog that doesn’t have any actual content and doesn’t provide any sort of value.
Your friend calls you today and asks for a list of your best tips and advices on how to stay sane during this quarantine.
You compile your list and email it to her. You look closely at the list.
How well are you following your own advice?
”Wisdom is nothing more profound than the ability to follow one’s own advice.”
-Sam Harris
What if for the next month, you were the best you could possibly be? What would that look like?
What if you only spent money on what you absolutely needed?
What if you exercised three times a week?
What if you ate well and didn’t lose yourself to cravings?
What if you got 7-9 hours of sleep each night?
What if you got up each morning and destroyed your routine for an hour?
What if you wrote down your short-term and long-term goals?
Who would you be after that month?
We spend an average of three and a half hours staring at our phones each day. That’s fucking crazy.
It may seem trivial, but cleaning up and organizing our phones can be incredibly useful. I see it as one small movement which over a long period of time makes for a smoother day to day.
Here’s a great video on trimming up your phone.
I forgot to post yesterday. It’s the first time since the conception of this blog which I’ve forgotten to keep the train moving as promised.
That’s okay. Aside from disappointing a few readers, all that really happened was that it showed me I’m not a robot.
I’m highly stressed with my new job; learning new skills, developing a different mindset, jumping out of my comfort zone…I’m going to make several mistakes.
The key is to fail forward. Embrace the suck. Just don’t stop moving.
When I go through downs like this, I make a simple collection of lists:
• What do I need to do more of?
• What do I need to do less of?
• Am I prioritizing my health (exercise, food, sleep)?
• Who can I call when I’m going through a rut?
Last night, I picked up my new iPhone. It’s an older version.
My buddy asked me why I didn’t take advantage of my upgrade and get one of the newer models. I asked him why I needed it.
Before I purchase the newest upgrade of something, I ask myself: do I need the newest/most expensive version to get everything I need done? Do I need it to make me happy and fulfilled?
The answer is almost always no.
Love him or despise him…Conor McGregor is one of the most entertaining athletes to ever exist.
Saturday was his first fight back since his enormous defeat two years ago. He won in 40 seconds. I love that. He’s back in the octagon because of his love for the game. He has more money than he knows what to do with. He loves fighting.
When you have that thing you love, nothing beats that. Dedicate your time, energy, fear, and pain to something and become the best at it.
Here’s an incredible video highlighting his comeback. It’s inspiring. Get after it.
Yesterday was my first day out of training for my new job. It was time to spread the wings and soar…
It didn’t go great. I killed it in training and my first day was a wash. I was surprised and quite disappointed in myself. My face felt slightly numb, and I found it impossible to hide my solemn mood.
But today is a new day. I could easily let yesterday define me and my work. What I think I’ll do instead is persevere and have a lively energy for today so I can perform well.
You are not who you were yesterday. You may have really fucked up, but you can use that to learn and adjust…instead of letting it define you and cement you in a hole.
Today is a new day. Go destroy.
This is the latest I’ve ever posted on this blog. There’s only one reason for that: I forgot to post this morning.
Opening my notebook to immediately study for my new job, it totally slipped my mind.
Moral of the story: Shit happens. We forget stuff. Try to pick up the pieces as best you can when you inevitably show signs of being a human and slip up.
I typically preach that there exists nothing but the present. The past is a memory, arising in the present. And the future is anticipation or anxiety, also arising in the present.
Having said that, here’s a factoid which promptly and vigorously gets my ass in gear when I’m feeling lazy or unmotivated:
Where you are right now is a combination of each and every choice you’ve ever made. Everything you’re doing right now is creating the person you will be in the future.
So when we put things off, slack off, make poor financial decisions, eat garbage, etc…it feels good to give into the short-term pleasure of giving in to craving. But at some point down the road, we know we will have wished we made better choices. We know this. We don’t get that time back. We do however get the chance to make healthier moves today to set us up for an alley-oop tomorrow (damn Dill, excellent sporting reference).
”Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it. Begin it now.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Yesterday was one of the best days of my life.
I began my new job, my first full-time, “big boy” vocation. It was lovely. Time flew by. The atmosphere was that of fun-loving, hard-working individuals and I’m so excited to meet new people and learn new skills. When we went over compensation I literally got teary-eyed. Avoiding breaking down into a solid cry, I wiped my eyes.
Everything just sort of hit me at once. I looked down. I was wearing a suit which I loved. It made me feel powerful (probably the white in me). As Bill Burr said, “I just wanted to take over some shit.” I drove my new car to work, which I bought with my money. I realized that I was in a completely different world. A world I had created for myself. In September, getting out of the restaurant and owning my own car were merely fantasies. This stuff may seem simple to most but this is a big deal for someone who has spent most of his days letting life happen to him as opposed to being in the driver seat.
Here’s what I’m getting at: It won’t happen tomorrow. It will take time and doubt and rejection and judgment and failure and everything else you’re afraid of…but if you begin taking steps toward the life you want to live, you will get there eventually. Others will get to theirs quicker than you, and in a smoother and more graceful fashion. But fuck them. They’re them and you’re you. Deep, I know.
Take a step each day, and after a year you’re 365 steps closer to where you want to go.
Wordsmith prompt #3: Describe the biggest lie you’ve ever told.
While no highly specific example comes to mind, for the majority of my life (until quite recently), I’ve given off this persona of extreme confidence and assurance in myself, my actions, and my words. That’s almost always been a lie.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been void of confidence in my abilities. My (inner) self-confidence has always been what has held me back the most. At times I seem certain of my capabilities, but deep down I’m thinking, “There’s no way you can pull this off.”
I’ve always cared about what people think about me. Always. I think most of us are like that and if you say otherwise you’re either lying or lack proper self-awareness. Lately, I’ve been learning how to channel all this energy. I try to care about what the right people think about me.
Also, a phenomenal antidote for lack of confidence (which I’ve written about many times) is finding a difficult task that you love, doing it over and over again, and getting better at it. In this arena, martial arts has been that muse. I’ve learned about how to respect others’ abilities as well as my own, how to become better by using discipline, the difference between deliberate and pleasurable practice, and how I handle getting my ass kicked…literally.
As I’ve been getting my shit together in recent days and months, I have more days where I feel excellent about the things I do and say, but this demon never goes away entirely. I’ll always question myself. I’ll always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for my life and the lives of others. I’ll always debate whether I’m helping people or hurting people. Always.
I’m curious…What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
Check out BestSelf’s array of productivity tools to get you taking action, writing clearly, and trying new things!
On the home page of this website it says that it took me a long time to grow up. Part of that equation was the fact that for 25 years, I never had a car to call my own. In all the ways I’ve been getting my shit together recently, nothing made me feel like a loser so much as sharing a car with my mother as I was approaching the age of 30.
I’m not a proponent of thinking of accomplishments in terms of age, but I found this to be ridiculous. So today, rather than preaching to you some way to change your mindset or build a habit…I’m going to say fuck yeah! I bought my own car, in my name, with my money.
I cant resist. Take this with you: Often times it feels as though everyone else has their shit together besides you. But we’re all figuring this thing out, and we’re all making this shit up as we go. Someone may be amazing at something only to be lacking in something entirely of which you are great at. Never stop learning, never stop growing. I just checked off an enormous goal of mine (which I wrote down)…but it’s not over. On to the next one. My happiness is not contingent upon getting a car, it’s dependent on the pursuit and growth required to make things happen for myself.
Wordsmith prompt #3: What event do you think impacted the world the most?
I will cheat. This isn’t necessarily a single event, but one which has progressed and lasted many years….the creation and evolution of the internet.
The internet has changed everything: how we communicate, how we buy and sell things, how we entertain ourselves, how we create and produce art, how we go to war…It has sped everything up. Two-day delivery. Millions of peoples’ reaction to the President of the United States’ last tweet. Taking classes for a few hours as opposed to a few months. Our access to knowledge and information has never been so impressive. Something can happen in Syria and we don’t have to wait for the next newspaper article to learn about it.
It has also devolved us in several ways. Having more and more interactions through a screen has made people more awkward face to face because real, human contact is not relied on as frequently. Our argumentative skills have faded. It’s one thing to type something passive-aggressive from the safety of your bedroom to someone you’ll never meet…and another thing entirely when you have the courage to criticize someone to their face and back up your claims.
Our patience has also taken a toll. We want things now. Quickly. We’ll pay for it if we have to. Gone are the days of writing letters to our friends and family and waiting weeks to receive their response in the mail. Gone are the days of having to go to a brick and mortar store, scoping through the aisles, trying things on for hours. Gone are the sidewalk anxieties of waiting to hail a cab, finally grabbing one, and realizing the cab driver is far from five stars.
I love the internet. In all of its chaos, in all of its destructive tendencies, it has allowed us to do things our parents literally couldn’t conceive of doing when they were our age. I started a podcast (my own show!) and built a website all on my own. This wasn’t because I’m some artsy, gifted individual. It’s because the internet gave me the tools in which it was so stupidly easy for me to do so. It has saved lives, changed opinions (solidified others), made us laugh until we cry, and made us more (or less) productive than we ever dreamed.
Check out BestSelf’s array of productivity tools to get you taking action, writing clearly, and trying new things!
Insecurity is one of the most debilitating mindsets the average human can experience. Years ago, when my insecurity and self-consciousness levels were at their peak, I found it difficult to keep conversation going with even my closest of friends. Imagine that! Terrified of whether my best friend thinks I’m the most annoying person in the world simply by speaking to him…
Here’s a simplified guide on how to overcome insecurity. None of these fix it overnight or cure it entirely, for I doubt it ever vanishes completely. But they can help put you in a better place:
1) Realize that no one gives a shit about you. That sounds incredibly mean, but it’s actually quite assuring. Everyone is focused on what they’re doing almost all the time. Nobody’s purpose in life is to have you under the microscope and analyze each and every move you make (every breath you take). It’s analogous to giving a presentation in high school. You’re terrified of going up. Terrified of what the person next to you will think of your speech. Then you go up and that person is thinking, “Holy fuck, I’m next. What’s this person going to think of my speech?!”
”When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves.”
-Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
2) Fake it ‘till you make it. We’ve all heard this one. If you want to be a confident individual who’s comfortable in their own skin, pretend to be. It doesn’t take long for your environment to adapt to your supposed change of state. You’re a thermostat, not a thermometer.
Back in my heyday of insecurity, my big thing was after I’d said something stupid or foolish, I would end it with some sort of self-deprecation (e.g. “I’ll just stop talking now; But I literally don’t know anything at all; If anyone gives a shit; I could just shut up and go die”). Often times these were merely jokes, but they accurately depicted how I felt about myself and my thoughts. So one day, I decided that no matter how I felt about something silly I had just said, I wouldn’t say anything about it afterward. At first, many of my friends would look my way after I’d said something goofy or wrong, conditioned to hear my own verbal-punishment, but I’d remain silent. After a short while, a tension among my peers and myself lifted and I felt much more free to speak my mind and make mistakes around them…thanks to that little omission.
3) Find something you love to do that’s difficult, do it all the time, and get better at it. This wouldn’t be a Dill-blog-post if I didn’t throw this in here. I only do it because it may be the only thing of which I’m 100% certain.
Find something you enjoy which challenges you, takes consistent practice, requires discipline, and allows for you to look back at the progress you’ve made. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. Become amazing at it. Super simple idea. Super long and arduous process…that’s the point. You’ll never reach the end. You’ll never stop learning. It will show you that you’re capable of growing and becoming better. This understanding is vital for getting out of your head and eliminating the stagnant-mindset.
There are so many intricacies to insecurity and I don’t take it lightly. It held me back for several years, which is why I attempt to show people that there exists an alternative. If you have struggled or continue to struggle with it, let me know.
What I’m grateful for today:
• I woke up.
• I have a comfortable bed with warm sheets, a space heater, and a number of clothes which keep me toasty as the weather gets colder…for winter is coming.
• I have countless close friends which I consider my brothers and sisters.
• My mother, father, sister, and grandparents are alive and I am able to have conversation with them.
• I’m not blind. I can watch movies, plays, shows, snowfall, sunsets. I can see my friends smile when they’re excited.
• I’m not deaf. I can hear the laughter of the people I love. I can listen to amazing podcasts (Fancy w/ Dillan Taylor?).
• I can read.
• I live in the United States. As strange as things get here, I don’t have to worry about fleeing the country for a better life, or being shot for voicing my opinion.
• All of my limbs are still attached to my body.
• I don’t have cancer.
• Everyday, I get to write, have lovely conversation with interesting people, learn about myself and the world, and work my ass off in pursuit of the life I want to live.
What are you grateful for today? Let me know.
In any of the things that I do (podcast, YouTube channel, blog), my aim is not to get the most out of people. My goal is to inspire people to get the most out of themselves.
The risk of any “self-help” or “self-improvement” content (I despise both of those terms), is that it can often sound preachy and elitist. I’m constantly working on my ability to portray the fact that I’m not some perfect, disciplined, sculpted being…everything I preach applies to myself as well. This is a daily process. Each and every day, I struggle with a lack of confidence, fear of what the future holds, and consistent questioning of whether or not I’m doing things correctly. We all face these issues all the time. They never disappear.
When times were at their darkest, when I was at my lowest, I literally tried to kill myself. And I nearly succeeded. I collected a number of pain and anti-depression medication from friends and family over the span of a week, then swallowed a number of them whilst finishing a bottle of Jim Beam (ad?). I woke up two days later utterly confused and was hungover for days after.
This was years ago. And I’ve told no one until now.
Now, I experience levels of confidence and satisfaction of which I literally thought were impossible. What I try to highlight for people is that there was a journey for this transition. There’s an evolution. And you can make it happen. It’s not easy, but it is simple. It’s overwhelming. And when you ask yourself where to start, the answer is, “At the beginning.”
I mention this story because nobody likes to hear from someone who’s ripped at the gym telling someone out of shape, “Get in shape, you’ll feel great!” But that ripped dude (or gal) went through an evolution of work and insecurity and doubt. I’m just some idiot with recording equipment and a laptop. There’s nothing special about me. We’re all just human and if you have a dream, and someone else has done what you want, you can do it too. Just start at the beginning.
My aim is not to push people up the mountain. It’s to inspire people to climb it with me.
”Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others—yes, and a lot less dangerous. ‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,’ said Confucius, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean.’”
– Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People