I’m just a reject

A girl getting rejected

I’ve been rejected a lot this year.

This was to be expected as I launched my coaching career, but reflecting back on the number of No’s I’ve received is insightful.

Byron Katie said: “You can have whatever you want in this life if you’re willing to ask 1000 people for it.”

That’s damn true. However, it also means most of those thousand people will not “give us what we want.”

The cool thing is, with practice and repetitions, we can become incredibly skilled at not giving a shit about a certain outcome.

I’ve invited hundreds of people to connect calls, coaching sessions, or long-term contracts.

The majority of people do one of these things:

• leave me on ‘read’
• say they’ll think about it and never get back to me
• stop responding
• never read the message
• cancel the call and ghost
• say No thank you

In the early days, it was hard to not get emotional when one of these would happen…especially getting ghosted. I would get in my head and question my abilities and motives.

But over time, I became desensitized and learned how to truly take nothing personally. The key lesson from Jia Jiang’s book Rejection Proof got etched into my brain:

When we get rejected, it says nothing about us and everything about the person doing the rejecting. It’s just proof that they don’t feel it’s the right fit right now.

Two weeks ago, I invited one of my best friends to the group coaching program I just created. He politely walked me through why he felt he didn’t have demand for what the program offered. Being wary of my feelings, he asked, “Is that okay?”

I laughed. “No,” I replied. “This program isn’t optional.”

This is the perfect example of this rejection truth.

My best friend said No thanks to me. I know for a fact that he loves and supports me and thinks I have good ideas. So it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that right now, the program just isn’t a good fit for him.

This can be applied to dating, event invites, or anything else where we put ourselves out there.

Rejection isn’t a bad thing. It’s a process for sifting through and finding the right people at the right time.

Why I don’t promote my business

A woman raising her arms in a sunflower field with bubbles in the air

In the past week, two different people have asked me why I don’t use my blog or newsletter to promote my business or try to get leads.

The answer is simple: I don’t want to. But here’s why.

1) It doesn’t work.

Not in my line of business.

Coaching is about building relationships with people through fun and powerful conversations. This is all done by reaching out, getting curious, and diving deep with individuals…not by sending a mass call to action and impersonally asking people to come to you.

Scenario 1: Someone you went to high school with posts the link to their website in a Facebook status telling everyone they’re giving free coaching sessions.

Scenario 2: Someone you went to high school with messages you asking how you’re doing. You hop on an hour-long call with them and share stories of what you both have been up to for the past decade. You discuss how you both have grown and the direction you’d like to head toward. You hear them talk about their coaching business and how passionate they are about helping people. Maybe at some point they invite you to a coaching session as a gift to see if they can help you too.

Which of these is more likely to lead to you sitting down and doing a session?

You might be thinking: neither. That’s normal. Most people don’t know what life coaching is. They’re afraid of being open and exploring vulnerabilities with someone they barely knew in high school.

But some people are totally down. So if they are, we schedule a call and explore what’s possible in their lives. But this only happens after the proper time has been taken to build that connection.

Here’s the catch…there is no catch. I love connecting with, reconnecting with, and learning more about people. So no matter what, I win. If we have a lovely hour-long chat about what they’re up to, I invite them to a coaching session, and they say no thanks, I still got everything I was hoping for.

I’m not here to “close” clients, hit my numbers, or get any sort of result. I’m here to have as many fun and powerful conversations as I possibly can. If a conversation leads to a paying client, cool! If not, cool!

Which brings me to the main reason I don’t promote my business on my blog or newsletter

2) I do this shit because I enjoy it.

Each and every morning, I sit down and type a short blog and hit Publish. And every Thursday, I build my newsletter for Friday morning.

It’s therapeutic. It develops my skills as a writer, thinker, and content creator. And above all, it’s fun.

I love sharing my thoughts with close friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike. I’m honored that they would spend even 60 seconds reading what I have to say.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve had several fruitful conversations stem from people disagreeing with something I’ve posted. When 600 people read something you write, they’re going to have some thoughts about it.

Anyway, if my focus for this stuff was results-oriented: leads, subscribers, followers, etc…I’d burn out in a week.

I have no interest in mixing the thing I do purely out of love and joy with business goals and targets. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing…it’s just not my bag of wine.

From my limited experience in creating content and publishing it, the major piece of advice I give people is this:

If you’re going to create content, make sure you love doing it first…because if you don’t—if you’re solely doing it for a result—those early days where nobody’s interested will destroy your soul.

Feed your soul instead. Create shit because you love it.

Certified Insight Coach

Today, I graduate from my 16-week coaching academy.

In this time, I’ve received a ridiculous amount of training, made friends with coaches on six different continents, and leveled up as a coach and a business owner tremendously.

Each week, we turn in our report. Here’s my last one:

What did you learn?

I learned firsthand:

  • that you can do anything well if you’re willing to practice it every single week.
  • that mistakes, No’s, rejections, ruts, doubts, fears…are all fuel.
  • how to run and grow a sustainable business with zero advertising or promoting.
  • how to stand up for myself—my time, my energy, and my life.
  • that I don’t have to do more or work harder to get what I want.
  • how to run a group call.
  • how to ask for what I want.
  • how to be an effective speaker, communicator, and coach.
  • how to run toward the things that scare me—proposals, asking to connect, inviting people to coaching sessions, and giving feedback (all of which I LOVE doing now).
  • what it’s like to have a family of friends and colleagues I’ve never even met before.
  • how to provide the space.
  • how to be a leader.
  • that I don’t need to know how to do something in order to do it.
  • that it’s okay to be scared, so long as it doesn’t keep you from taking action.
  • how to Vox John so much that he asks everyone to stop Voxing him as much.
  • that no matter how unprepared, terrified, or confused I am…I’m ready.
  • that I’m damn good at this.
  • that I know so much.
  • that I know so little.

And who did you become?

I became:

  • an extraordinary coach.
  • an effective business owner.
  • enriched by this process.
  • humbled by the same process.
  • a certified Insight Coach (duh).
  • wildly confident when: coaching anyone, helping coaches, and sharing my thoughts and stories.
  • a member of the ICC team!
  • so good at chess that I destroy Tomas every time we play (can you believe he’s a chess tutor?).
  • someone who runs workshops and group calls.
  • a guy who is fearless and terrified at the same damn time.
  • the best version of myself I’ve ever encountered.
  • even funnier than I already was (which I thought was impossible).
  • a mentor, a mentee, and a friend.
  • a master.
  • a life-long student.

Today is graduation day, but I feel like the party is only getting started!